Sunday, 9 September 2012

Between Life and Death

Living between Life  and  Death, or between Birth and Death. Our own Birth and our own Death, and between the lives and deaths of others. My mother, my father, my own, and countless others that cross in different ways to my Life.

In Opera it is usually clear-cut, either you live or you die. One may have had to face the sword or a bullet but  when the question comes are you strong, you can say "as strong as before". Outside Opera one cannot always go through an operation or such and be as strong as before. It is possible to have a diagnosis of a deadly disease, getting help, and be in between of "will the answer be Life or will it be Death", and yet. Wishing for the answer of YES to LIFE but also to be able to live as strong as before the disease struck. Wanting to be able to be awake most of the day, to walk fast the staircase, to come quickly up from a chair, to just simply take that phone quickly. And maybe if Life means to be almost helpless and in need of help some times it might be better to that life would be short, like 6 months, but it would be good months where one might feel healthy and strong enough. BUT until we are in that position ourselves we will never know how it feels and what we would want. Maybe not even then would it be clear-cut what we want.

A Good Life is all we want.

The question asked of medical procedures is often a simple Life and Death question. The in-between is forgotten. One does not always just die from a procedure gone wrong. Usually it is more a change of how your life will be. A risk of living the rest of Life in Pain, how much pain. A risk of disability, how grave a disability. Maybe not pain but something that is unpleasant or making things harder than before.

Percents of perfections. But nobody talked about the real risk. A blind person and surgery that could make the person see again. It seemed like a reasonable risk but it wasn't. It was not just a choice between Blindness and to be able to see. It was also the choice (the risk) to be Blind and No Pain, or Live with PAIN for the rest of Life. It failed, the answer became Pain. I read this in a book many years ago, I still remember it. One must ask the right questions. How else can be make the right choices in life.

I had a surgery. It went well. But I was told life would just be so much easier. It has been easier, and it has not. I would have liked to hear the truth even if it would not have made be agree as easy to the surgery. I know it was the right answer. It helped. But before surgery I could sleep during the night for many hours without waking. After surgery all my nights are in bits and pieces. They never told me about that. They said I would not have toilet emergencies but I have had kinds of emergencies. It is different but still can be embarrassing. Maybe the doctor was right the first time he said I should have ostomy but I was not ready. My surgery, my disease (Crohn's disease) are not Life AND Death choices, it is simply about my Life.

My parents are old. I feel still young. We are all going to die some time. Can one be prepared? I think not. Death will come one day, it will be a shock, and yet, we always know it would come, just not when. Life, on the other hand, is all around us, giving us choices. Some we see, some not. So we must prepare ourselves for LIFE, to choose to find the best way to live. LIFE IS HERE. And hopefully we will all have Tomorrow.

In September I was in Stockholm for Tosca. In October I will come to Oslo for I Capuleti ed i Montecchi. In November I will go to Madrid to see Isabel Rey sing Zarzuela. In December it will be Carmen in Berlin with Jose Cura. In January 2013 I will go to Vienna for L'Italiana in Algeri. In February it will be zarzuela in Madrid. In March there is no plans at this point. In April Rolando Villazon will sing Verdi Arias in Frankfurt and then I will see Stiffelio in Monte Carlo. And I have hopes for May 2013. My plans can all fall through but until I have to give up, I will be making plans-

For reviews from my travels, see

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